Sex after 50? First Comes Love (Part IV)

By Mary Kingsley

So what’s happened between me and my fella since I decided to impress him with a trip to the racy lingerie store (PartI)?

Quite a lot, actually. While I didn’t enter into this relationship with any particular expectations, all of them have been exceeded.

At first we had some logistical issues around spending time together. We didn’t live close to each other, and we both had tricky schedules and housing complications.

We had to settle for dinner dates followed by necking in the car like teenagers, along with the occasional motel or hotel room overnight stay like The Big Date (Part II).

Before too many months passed, it was clear to both of us this relationship was going in the right direction. We really enjoyed each other’s company, we made each other laugh, we wanted a lot of the same things out of life and from our relationship, and – last but not least – it turned out to be the best sex both of us had ever had.

How can middle-aged sex be better than youthful, hormone-driven sex?

For one thing, we had both been “around the block” a few times, as the saying goes, and we knew how to please each other. We also listened to each other, and paid attention to what the other person wanted, and what worked for both of us.

We were also not at all shy about directly asking for what we wanted or needed, and then expressing our genuine appreciation when we got it!

Unlike what happened during sex back in my twenties, I was no longer inhibited about these things, and I didn’t worry about what he would think of me (“Will he think I’m too slutty if I _____?”). 

We found that we could even discuss what happened in the bedroom openly, even when we were NOT in the bedroom, with almost no embarrassment.

Middle age has those advantages.

Both of us had also learned lessons from previous relationships.

We had learned what issues are priorities for each of us, and which issues are not worth arguing over.

Putting petty differences of opinion in perspective and not making big deals out of minor disagreements is crucial, as is maintaining our sense of humor.

We also learned, through the very hard lesson of enduring years of loneliness (Part III), what a precious thing it is to find a deep, genuine connection with another person.

We both had a huge desire to cherish and nurture the wonderful new thing we had found together.

Most of all, we were willing to communicate and express our feelings towards each other, early and often. That continues to this day.

He had no problem telling me that he loved me, much earlier than I expected to hear it. And we tell each other that we love each other every single day. We never tire of hearing it.

And now where do we stand?

We are living together! We have even discussed the very likely possibility of getting married in the near future.

I am glad I found him, after all this time.

I think that, if you are open to doing new things and meeting new people, you can find someone too. It doesn’t have to mean living together and marriage, necessarily, but hopefully someone you can laugh with, have sex with, and enjoy life together. That’s what counts.


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