The Best Advice I've Ever Gotten

by Cindy Moy

When my oldest daughter, JJ, first came home from China, my mom told me to write often in her baby book.

“You think you’ll remember, but you won’t,” she said. Filling in her baby book was often left until moments had passed and many were forgotten.

Then a friend mentioned a mom who kept a daily journal for her young daughter. Some entries were quite short but no matter what, every day she wrote a sentence or two about what happened in her daughter’s day.

For some reason this carried a lot less pressure than the keepsake baby book.

I bought a blank journal and started filling in the days. Some days I wrote only a sentence. (‘JJ had a dentist appointment.’) Some days took a page or two.

Over the years the ritual evolved. The journals are now personalized through an online site. On Christmas each daughter gets a new journal for the upcoming year. Each journal cover has the year as well as the age, grade and photos of my girls.

Each girl took over her own journal writing when she turned 13.

The girls will occasionally sit down and read through their old journals and I’m amazed at how much would have been lost without those written pages.

I’ve been given other interesting advice over the years:

• If it’s got tires or testicles it’s bound to give you trouble.
• You're only helpless when your nail polish is wet and you could still pull a trigger if you had to.
• People would make time for you if they wanted to.

Now I’d like to hear from you. In the app’s Discussion Board, share with your Hot Flash Sisters the best advice you’ve ever received.

Did you follow it?

Why or why not?

Cindy Moy is the creator of the Hot Flash Sisters app. She's written books, magazine articles, blog posts and even legal encyclopedias. She's never kept a journal for herself.

Confessions of a 54-year-old Rocker

By Miriam Queensen

When I was a little girl I wanted to be a lot of things. Beginning with mermaid (okay, I was three). I never wanted to be a rock star. So why did I suddenly decide that learning rock drums would be fun?

I was widowed at the age of 42 and had to raise my kids on my own. Those were tough years. I struggled with depression. I didn’t have the time or energy to have much fun that didn’t involve entertaining my children.

Fast forward to ten years later and my empty nest. My quiet empty nest. In which sits a drum kit bought for my son who had played for a few years before moving on to other interests.

Suddenly—I wanted to make some NOISE.

I signed up for drum lessons. It wasn’t easy at first, though my early music training (classical) and practice habits kicked in and made it a little easier.

It was fun!
I played loud music!
I hit things!
I made lots of noise!
With nobody around to complain!

At first I had no idea that I would ever play in front of other humans (except my teacher). I played along to recordings in my house, alone. After discovering an ad hoc group of guys who got together to “jam” (i.e., make stuff up, which was scary yet amazing), I found a great place called Rock Camp for Dads. (The name misleads; there’s lots of moms and non-parents.)

I was placed in a beginner band with a group of total strangers with varying degrees of experience and ability. We made music together.

Despite my abject terror when I first started playing with a band, it was so exciting!

I gradually learned to commit to making the noise.

There’s nothing tentative about drumming.

It’s much easier to skate through life less forcefully, hoping people won’t notice you if you keep your head down.

But I was tired of feeling invisible.

So I played. And got better.

I’ve now played with more bands than I can count, learning all kinds of music, and even singing, too!

I have a huge new group of friends who love music as much as I do.

I’m feeling much more confident than I have in a long time.

I may not be a rock star, but I am no longer invisible.

Miriam Queensen is a middle-aged rocker with no delusions of grandeur. She's raised two kids and lived to tell the tale. Besides drumming, she also likes to write, teach other people how to write, and edit other people's mistakes. She teaches at the University of Minnesota, St. Paul College, and the Loft Literary Center.

6 Steps for Making Your Travel Bucket List

By Willona M. Sloan

Do you have a travel bucket list? What do you say when your coworker asks, “So what’s your dream vacation?” Do you freeze up and say, Australia?

Stop it.

It’s time to learn how to dream big. When we have something out there to dream about it makes today that much more meaningful. It’s not that you absolutely must take one of your bucket list trips. It’s about dreaming; imagining; and wondering about our great big world. And maybe one day you just might pack your bags and see the places that call your name.

Here are six ideas to help you make your travel bucket list:

1. Don’t worry about what’s on everyone else’s list.  If you don’t dream about going to Paris you don’t have lie about it. Maybe you’re intrigued by the barren beauty of Antarctica or the emerald green rivers of melting glacier ice in Greenland. Maybe you want to follow the Bourbon Trail in Louisville, KY or leaf peep in Maine. Do you.
 
2. Don’t overthink it. Remember when you read that piece about nomadic culture in Mongolia and were completely and totally fascinated? Then you saw that documentary and wanted to know even more? Go ahead, put Ulaanbaatar on your bucket list.
 
3. Ask people where they would go a second time. If someone is willing to spend the money and time to go somewhere again that might be a place worth checking out.
 
4. Remember when you were a kid. Kids don’t know what’s trending on Instagram. Well, now maybe they do. But, when you were a kid you had fantastic fantasies. When the guest speaker in your 4th grade class told you all about the food people eat in Tibet, you told your parents that evening that you wanted to go to Tibet. Go to Tibet. Think back to those strange and alluring names that you recited as a kid: Cheyenne, Tulum, Patagonia. Those words still hold magic.
 
5. Watch a travel show once in a while. Those things are great. They will actually tell you all about the best places in the world and you can go there right now. Travel shows may seem like things your parents watch when they’re waiting for a rerun of Diagnosis Murder to come on, but there are several cable stations totally dedicated to this sort of thing because people love them. When you see a destination you like, write it down. See if it creeps into your sleep. If everyone around you all of sudden starts mentioning that place then you absolutely have to go.

6. Listen to your gut. You know yourself. Do you want to eat chocolate from one end of the city to the next? Would you eat lobster three times a day? Have you always wanted to try an authentic beignet? Pick a food destination that matches your tastes.

Now, go get one of those little lined pocket notebooks with a map of the world on it and start making your travel bucket list today.

Happy travels!

Willona M. Sloan is a writer and dreamer from Washington, DC.