Happy New Year! Now Forget Those Resolutions!

As one calendar year ends and another begins, we’re bombarded with words such as: “Revitalize!” or “Recharge!” or “Reorganize!”

Sure, it’s always good to have goals, but what if we’re good just the way we are?

As we welcome 2018, let’s resolve to not worry about whether we’re attractive enough, thin enough, have enough money, or are buying the trendiest items.

Let’s not worry about hitting the gym every day or striving for supple skin or shiny hair or eating enough kale. Being a woman isn’t about how we look, but what we’re doing with our lives—and life is messy, complicated, full of surprises, and waiting for us every day if we’re lucky.

It doesn’t begin on January 1st. Every day is an opportunity to make life whatever we want it to be, and that can include not reorganizing the closet or not redecorating the living room or not reading that pile of bestselling books or not cooking a fabulous organic dinner.

We don’t need to re-anything. Change is constant, so why pile on the pressure with New Year’s resolutions?

We’re enough—right now—exactly as we are today.

Moreover, womanhood is a spectrum of possibilities, not an advertisement promoting perfection. In an era of growing sociopolitical exclusion, we want to foster an environment of inclusion.

Womanhood is strength, resilience, resourcefulness, compassion, independence, and so much more. Womanhood is every skin color, every body type, every faith, every sexual orientation, every political affiliation, every income level; it’s being a mother or not being a mother. To be a woman in 2018 means a realm of choices and opportunities our mothers and grandmothers did not have.

We are all trying to find our way, so we understand how hard things can sometimes be, and how important it is to feel heard and to connect with others.

In the coming year, this app will undergo changes of its own to reflect our evolving views on womanhood, so please stay with us to see what unfolds in the new year.

As our community here grows, we seek to create a safe space where women can speak honestly about what’s going on in their lives as well as have fun. After all, humor heals.

Raise a glass and toast to being a woman and to being perfect the way you are.

Wishing you a happy, healthy 2018, Sister.

~Cindy, HFS Founder

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

What My Most Embarrassing Moment Taught Me About Forgiveness

by Cindy Moy

My extended family was enjoying lunch at a local pizza buffet when I noticed my sister loading up a plate with dessert pizza. Thinking I would tease her a bit I snuck up behind her, leaned over her shoulder and whispered, “Leave some for everybody else.”

She whipped around and it turned out that was NOT MY SISTER.

To make a bad situation worse, I was so mortified by what I’d done that I burst into tears and caused such a scene attempting to apologize that the woman I'd just insulted ended up consoling me in the middle of the restaurant.

The woman could have reacted in any number of ways. She could have dumped her dessert plate on me. (I wouldn’t have blamed her if she did.) She could have gotten angry and made a cutting remark in return. (Wouldn’t have blamed her if she did.) She could have stormed off to her table and left me there mortified.

Instead, she took a moment before reacting and realized it was an innocent social blunder–and laughed. She told me it was okay. Then she went back to her table and told her lunch party what happened, and they had a good laugh about it, too.

One definition of FORGIVENESS is to cease to feel resentment against an offender.

Was I an offender? Oh yes. Did she have every right to feel resentment toward me? Heck yeah.

Yet this woman forgave me and moved on with her day. That woman set an example for me on how to forgive others. It isn’t always easy but giving other people the benefit of the doubt certainly makes life more pleasant--for everyone.

And where was my real sister while all of this was going on? Over by the mashed potatoes, laughing herself silly.

She saw me sneaking up on that woman and knew exactly what was going to happen but did she stop me? Of course not! Because she's my sister and she knew we were about to have a heck of a story to tell for years to come. I don’t resent her for it. I would have done exactly the same thing.

What resentments could you let go of today?

 

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Small Choices, Big Impact

by Cindy Moy

Let’s do a quick exercise. I’ll count out 2 seconds and at the end you have to choose Plan A or Plan B.
Plan A is all the fame and fortune you desire.
Plan B is your relationships with the people for whom you care deeply.

Ready?
One-second.
Two-second.
Stop.
Now choose.

Easy right? The problem is that we never get one big choice.
Life is a series of little choices.

It’s a choice of sleeping for another 30 minutes or getting up and making pancakes with the kids. It’s a choice of gathering the family together for a board game or letting everyone scatter to their own electronic devices. It’s a choice of talking to the person seated across from us at dinner or staring at our device du jour.

It’s those daily choices -- the ones that aren’t worth thinking about -- that trip me up. I can't tell you a single Christmas present given or received last year. But a bitchy comment made to me 25 years ago? I can tell you who said it, where we were sitting and what we were doing.

Would it make a difference when we're making our choices to know it's to be our last chance to be with the person or people we care most about? Of course. Years ago my then-husband won two airline tickets at his company picnic. We decided to take our daughter to San Francisco and visit some friends who had chucked it all and bought a vineyard in California. It was to be our first vacation someplace other than New Orleans to visit my husband’s grandmother. 

On New Year’s Day, we boarded a plane—for New Orleans. My husband’s grandmother was very sick and passed away that spring. I’m grateful for the privilege of knowing her. Grateful for being given one last chance to see her, talk to her, hold her, say goodbye. Grateful for one last chance to give her what she wanted most—to see her only great-granddaughter. Grateful for having one last chance to make the most of my family's last chances.  

I’m also sad and angry and full of guilt, even after all these years. We should have visited more.  We should have written more. We should have called more. As the guilt and anger builds, I can come up with a lot of things we should have done, could have done and would have done had we known that time was our enemy. But life doesn't turn on should, could and would – and I am glad because I can't live with that weight on my shoulders.

One songwriter wrote, “Life isn’t graded on a curve.” I find that very discouraging. When all is said and done, I think I would do OK graded on a curve. I try to do the right thing and most of the time I think I succeed. We all know mean, nasty people that allow us to feel superior. They’re usually in front of us on the highways, driving like maniacs.

We rarely know when it’s our last chance. All we can do is make the most of the little choices presented to us every day. The choice to wrestle on the floor with our kids. The choice to get to know a co-worker or reacquaint ourselves with a friend. The choice to help someone in need. The choice to tell the people you care about that you love them.

What choice will you make today, Sister?

I’ll give you 2 seconds to decide.
Ready?
Choose.

 

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